I’m writing these words at 4AM here in Montreal, an hour that seems simultaneously too late and too early. The reason I’m wide awake in these wee hours of the morning is a combination of excitement, anticipation and even a little tension. Some profound and, it must be said, exciting things have occurred over the last couple of days, with possibly even more to come in the days to follow. I think I’m feeling the need to pause for a moment and get my bearings, hence my nocturnal contemplations.
If you’re like most people, you have dreams and desires, some obvious, some so secret and personal they may never see the light of day. Interestingly, while we often ask each other questions such as “What do you want?” or “What are your goals?” we rarely ask the seemingly obvious follow-on question, “What are you willing to do to get it?” Not only do we not ask, but we often don’t even consider our own answer to that question.
It’s easy to be trite in these situations and say, “I’d be willing to do anything,” oblivious as to how meaningless that truly is. Using open-ended indefinite pronouns like ‘anything’ indicates that you haven’t really thought about your motivations at all. Think about it: The word anything in the previous example could be replaced with the following:
“I’d be willing to drink paint thinner.”
“I’d be willing to run naked through the UN headquarters.”
“I’d be willing to listen to Nickelback.”
“I’d be willing to kill someone.”
Obviously these are absurd and even disturbing examples (I mean… Nickelback? That’s scary.) but they fit within the parameters of the statement. No, if your motivations for achieving a dream are that thin, then I fear it will remain just that – a dream.
We’re often told that in goal setting, if we discover the why, the how will take care of itself. This is largely true. As I showed above, your passion and motivation for achieving a dream must be powerful enough to keep you going over the long term. However, I feel as if there’s something missing from this equation.
Why can sometimes be a difficult question to answer. “Because I really want it” is not enough, and when you drill down with multiple whys, it can feel like you’re staring into the Mandelbrot set, endlessly descending into infinity. Hardly useful if you’re trying to decide, for example, whether or not to take a job offer in a far off place.
I’ve discovered – purely by accident I admit – an interesting method for boosting your ‘why,’ and it’s the question I mentioned a little earlier: “What are you willing to do to achieve your goal?”
This question, or its alternate form, “What are you willing to sacrifice to achieve your goal?” can be extremely useful in determining the strength of your ‘why.’ Allow me to provide a real world example, based on something happening to me right now.
Very shortly I may be offered the opportunity to fulfill a dream I have worked toward for over ten years. Longtime readers of mine will know that I have been attempting to get to British Columbia on the west coast of Canada for a very long time. I’ve been held back mostly due to my inability to find employment. While nothing is carved in stone, there is a strong possibility that I may have the opportunity to finally realize my dream.
While this is certainly a positive thing – indeed the excitement is part of the reason I began writing this essay at 4AM – it comes with some built-in challenges, most of them financial. At the moment, I cannot afford to get to B.C., much less find a place to stay. I simply don’t have the resources to do so. The dream, it would seem, has once again been ended.
But not so fast. This is my dream, my goal if you prefer. I fact, it’s THE goal, the reason I’ve been living out of a single duffle bag for an insanely long period of time. It’s a promise I made to someone a decade ago. After so many false starts, mistakes, and obstacles, how can I allow this last obstacle stop me when I’m so close?
This is where my question comes in. Not my why. I already know that. Now it’s time to get serious. What am I willing to do to make this work? What am I willing to sacrifice to make this happen?
When I asked myself those questions, and answered with total, heart-wrenching honesty, the path became clear and the stress gave way to determination. What were my answers?
- Getting to British Columbia: I’ll get there using what few funds I have left. I’ll hitchhike the rest of the way, or walk if necessary. (Yes, I’m dead serious.)
- Finding a place to stay temporarily: I’ll camp out in the wilderness until my first paycheque comes in, or stay in a hostel if I have any cash left.
Now these answers might sound extreme, but considering such options shows just how seriously I take this. Having goals and dreams is great. Having solid reasons why is even better. However pursuing a dream inevitably involves dealing with obstacles, some of them quite major, even apparently insurmountable. In order to get you through those dark times – to achieve your dreams despite the entire universe seemingly conspiring against you – you need more than positive thoughts. Even passion will only take you so far. You need the answer to a simple question:
“How badly do you want it?”